My Mexican Monday

    It's Monday, and I'm not working today. Which is good, because like the rest of the world, I hate Mondays. So I thought that today would be a good day to take some pictures with my IPad, as we were out and about running errands. We didn't go anywhere too special. Although, we did go to our favorite place to eat breakfast. Other than that, it was just places like Walmart, to pick up some coffee filters, to the mall to take our computer to the repair shop, to the fabric store to pick up fabric to make a dress and also to get a new tablecloth. But, I just thought I'd share some pictures of where I live here in Juarez, so my family and friends can see what I see everyday. 

    This is the street we live on. We live down on the right hand side. I appreciate the trees, as we don't  

    get to see much green in Juarez.

    And this is headed in the other direction, on our way out of our little gated community.

    Mackenzie wouldn't be still so I could snap her picture! Oh, well....maybe later!

    On our way to go eat breakfast this morning. This is Avenida Tecnologico.

   

    It's a super long Avenue!

    This was Mackenie trying to strike a pose outside Maria Bonita Hotel, which is where the restaurant 

    is located. El Comal is the name of it and it is a very popular, and affordable, restaurant. The 

    breakfast buffet is delish! 

    I really liked these purple flowers! Daisies, perhaps?

 

    This is the side of the hotel.

    I saw this little restaurant, that is apparently closed, on our way home. It's name in English means

    "The Difference", which made me chuckle. It left me thinking, "the difference between what"?

    Ahhh....yes. Everywhere you go here, you must pay to park. Well, nearly everywhere.

    Especially Walmart.

    I've been to this particular Walmart a few times, and yet today is the first time I noticed this statue.

    Juarez has only about a million statues and monuments. 

   

    Justice anyone? (Everyone in Mexico raises hand) Sadly, most never get it. 

    This was taken in the Walmart parking lot (very discreetly with my cell phone). They caught a boy 

    that could not have been more than 14 years old stealing a soccer ball, some DVD's, and a ton of

    chocolate! Initially, he had an attitude, even slamming his backpack down when the police asked 

    him for it in the store. But, by the time they drove off, the boy was crying, with big crocodile tears

    falling down his face. He was handcuffed just like any adult would be. I wondered about him and 

    why he stole those things and where his life was headed now. And then I prayed for him.

    This used to be a police station annex. It's been a lot of things, actually. Even a bar once. 

    It's a used car lot at the moment. It's weird, if nothing else. Not sure what the original purpose

    of the design was for, but OK.

    Plaza Juarez Mall has yet another circus being set up. There is always a circus in town 

    somewhere. This one is going to be some aquatic circus, called Splash. I used to love to

    Go to the circus until a chimpanzee escaped while we were at one. I was literally freaking

    out because I had just watched an episode of Maury Povich where a man had his face ripped

    off by a chimpanzee. And, then, a while back I learned the painful truth about the treatment of

    circus animals. The abuse the endure for our human pleasure isn't worth it.

    

    We bought a new laundry basket. Here's my adorable hubby making room in the trunk, 

    while my sweet Mackenzie carries it on her head. How else would an eight year old carry

    a laundry basket?

    And then it was time to pick up my 13 year old son from school...

    Mommy is always taking pictures of Christian!

    Lots of teenagers waiting to be picked up from school....

    My new plastic tablecloth cover. It's clear with butterflies, but it's lying on top of a sage

    tablecloth. I need to get maybe a light blue fabric for underneath. But, I love butterflies!

   On the left is fabric to make sundress fabric. Mackenzie and I will have matching sundresses.

   On the right, is one already made for Mackenzie. Nothing says Spring like flowers and butterflies!

   I got a new ceramic piggy! I named him Porky, and he's going outside on my patio.

   Hope you enjoyed my pictures! 

Keep Calm and Juggle On

         First things first. I have been a Negative Nelly lately. My once positive outlook, and sunny smile has been replaced with what resembles something more along the lines of Grumpy Cat. I have been struggling, in every way. Financially, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally. But, let's be honest. It isn't that my problems are bigger than ever, it isn't that they are more grave, or different than in times past. It's me. It's my reaction to all of my problems. It's my inability to find balance; my desire to put a little somethin' somethin' in a little bit of everything. And, it's stressing me...err, "I'm" stressing me. My hair is literally falling out. I'm gaining back most of the weight I worked so hard to lose a couple of years ago. My psoriasis is red, painful, flared and raging more than it's ever been for as long as I've had it. My Crohn's disease is actin' a fool! And, I feel like I'm drowning! I have that old feeling again. As if I'm running in place. No matter how hard or fast I run, I'm getting nowhere. It's like a nightmare, where something in the darkness, some sort of beast or wild animal, is coming after you, and you know it's coming. You try to run, to get away, but you are stuck, running in place. Terror overtakes you. And, then you wake up, with a lump in your throat, sweating, paralyzed with fear. Only, this is all happening to me while I'm wide awake. And the beast in the darkness is myself. I've always been my own worst enemy, a self-saboteur. 

        I work 42-50 hours a week. I go to school full-time in the evenings. I'm a mother of two, and a wife, and the only wage earner in our home. I live in Juarez, and cross to El Paso to work and school everyday. I also am not healthy. None of that is new. I have lived like this for more than seven years. But, lately, I am exhausted. Work is, well, work. And school is work too. And these two things combined mean I am rarely home. And the guilt that comes with being gone from home 14-16 hours a day is overwhelming. Guilt about not spending enough time with my children; my son Christian is age 12, and my daughter, Mackenzie, is age 7. Guilt about not spending enough time with my husband, who is awesome, by the way. Guilt about not spending enough time with our two dogs and our cat. Guilt about not cooking dinner for my family daily, guilt about not doing the laundry, not ironing their clothes, not cleaning the toilets, not making up the bed, not sweeping and mopping, not dusting, not cleaning the patios, not watering my plant, not doing the dishes, not cleaning and organizing the closets, not making sure the kids eat fruits and veggies, and brush their teeth, and do their homework, and use good manners, and say their prayers. Ruben has had to pick up, where I left off.

        Ruben, God love his soul, has evolved and changed into this amazing father and husband. He is strict, yet nurturing. He is responsible and hard working. He is sober, and has been for several months now, and conscious of what his family needs. He loves the Lord, and it's reflected in his children. He has come so far, in such a short period of time. He keeps this house running like a well-oiled machine. He has his routine down pat. He keeps me sane. Ruben and I have traded him working in a maquila (factory) for $50.00 U.S.dollars a week, and paying strangers to watch our children, for me working in El Paso, making 6 times that a week, and him staying home with our children, taking them, walking them actually, to their schools here in Juarez, within our pretty little gated community. I made the decision to go to school to try to better my career, to increase my salary, get a better job, and eventually, work from home. And, then, start Ruben's business. That is all still the 5-year plan. But, for now, I struggle to juggle. Lately, unexpected bills and expenses just seem to keep popping up, and I've missed a few days of work from illness. That just puts us farther behind, and it feels like we are living beyond our means, leading us to contemplate moving to a much cheaper home in a different area. It's just something up on the table. It would enable me to perhaps afford some much needed health insurance. 

        But, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, there is always hope. God teaches me that I don't have to do it all myself, that I don't have to be perfect at everything I do, that I don't have to carry  it all on my shoulders. He will carry it for me. He will provide me with strength when I am weak. Rest when I am weary. Joy when I am sad. Comfort when I am sick. I just simply have to let go, and let God. That's the tricky part. Control freak that I am. But God knows me well. 

        What I've learned, specifically, this week, is that I am capable. I am really good at juggling, as it turns out. Ruben's 40th Birthday party was on Saturday, and we were surrounded by friends and neighbors who love and support us in our struggles and juggles, and I realized how blessed we are to have them in our lives! I put that party together with minimum resources, a limited budget, and pressed for time. I also made a special cake for Ruben, in which I had no clue what I was doing! And it was awesome! I planned it during finals week at school, and a hectic week at work, when we had some of the highest call volumes ever! I pulled it off without a hitch, by the grace of God! And, I couldn't have done it without Team Hernandez! My family rocks! So, I think it was a turning point for me. I'm no longer going to worry or stress. I know God will get me through. Money comes and goes. I won't always be this sick; my diseases always have the possibility of remission. I can always kick my own butt and start working out again. I don't have to keep making straight A's in school, I don't have to feel guilty about everything I'm missing out on at home. I have such a great support system in place. My family is always there for me. And I just keep remembering that This is all temporary. And, this will all work out. It always does. God shows me so much favor, and mercy, and grace. So, until then, I juggle! It should come naturally. After all, I'm kind of a clown. Keep calm and juggle on, ya'll!

You Are What You Eat

If there is one cliche that is completely overused, it has to be, "You are what you eat." And, if it's true, well then, my friends, I am a gordita. Not just any gordita. I am mole dulce, frijoles con queso, rajas con queso, and winnie. For my American friends, let me explain what that is. Let's start with my favorite. Mole dulce is a mildly spicy, sweet sauce that is dark brown in color and has about a million ingredients in it, mostly known for its chocolate content. That's right. Chocolate. Not Hershey's chocolate per se, but chocolate none the less. And, to make it even more intriguing, it is always served over chicken. I do not know what I was doing with my life before mole dulce stepped into it. I can't believe I didn't invent it myself. I mean, let's be honest. If you cut me, I'd bleed chocolate. Well, chocolate and gravy. Gravy is to a Hillbilly, what salsa is to a Mexican. But, that is another blog.
Although I could talk about chocolate forever and a day, I realize I may need to move on before someone starts thinking I'm a chocolate addict or something. So, let me define what a gordita is. It is a small, flat disk, made from flour or corn (basically a thicker tortilla), that is split open so that it can be filled. It is usually around 4 inches or so in diameter, stuffed with refried beans, and then a filling of your choice. Those fillings vary from region to region, and depends on where you order your gordita. The place that we frequent here in Juarez has a wide range to choose from. Beans with cheese, mole dulce, pork skins in spicy green salsa (chicharron en salsa verde), or spicy red salsa, pork in red salsa (asado de puerco), hot dogs in a red salsa that isn't the least bit spicy (winnie), poblano peppers and onions with cheese (rajas con queso), thin, diced steak with tomato, onion, and spicy peppers (pulpa), among others. Those just happen to be our favorites.
The term "gordita" actually translates as "chubby." You can stop snickering now. I know I'm chubby. But what is funny about this word, is that it is interchangeable. My husband, two weeks before we were married, when we were with some of our Mexican-American friends, called me gordita. I was told by one of those female "friends" of ours at that time that the word means fat, and she clearly stated that he was calling me fat. She was Hispanic, and spoke perfect Spanish, so of course I trusted what she was telling me. I was mortified. I left him there at their house, I was so upset about it. Not because I wasn't fat, but because my future husband had the audacity to point it out to me so point blank. I did end up coming back to pick him up, but not until I drove around for a while trying to rationalize the situation. He tried explaining to me in his broken English that it was a term of endearment, not an insult. It wasn't until some research, and arguing, and asking other Mexican people we knew, that I came to find out that he wasn't pointing out or criticizing my body size, necessarily, he was appreciating my body. He was embracing my body type, shape, size, and actually enjoying that it belonged to him. "Mi gordita" is a term of affection, when used in the context he was using it in. I, unfortunately, failed to see that our female "friend" was just jealous, because, as it turns out, she actually wanted to be much more than just friends with my future husband. I didn't see that one coming, because I am not a jealous type person myself. I just assumed she would have been happy for us. Nope. I chalk that one up to Life Lesson number 4,337.
So, in conclusion, I guess I am what I eat. I am a gordita. But, I have made peace with that. At least, I am Ruben's gordita.

Don't drink the water....no, really....do NOT drink it!

    It has been a long week. A long, torturous, dehydrating, week. A week spent in the bathroom more than any one human should ever have to. Even this human, who just so happens to have chronic inflammatory bowel disease. After all, the bathroom and I are good friends already. I refer to said bathroom as "my office". I accomplish more in that single bathroom than I accomplish in any other space in or out of my home. Too much information, perhaps, but honest. I am not one to sugarcoat things. Crap happens. And, sometimes, crap happens to the point that you are convinced that death is surely imminent. 

 

    You see, upon careful reflection of my recent intestinal bacterial infection, (hindsight is 20/20, you know),  I think I may have possibly pinpointed the precise moment that I potentially infected myself with this bacteria (AKA: Mr. Evil Stomach Bacteria, as I so affectionately refer to it as). And, to admit this to anyone is difficult for me because it exemplifies my foolishness, my willingness to put my trust into something that should never, ever, ever, EVER be trusted: Mexico's water. You see, last Friday morning, I went to a lovely restaurant here in Juarez, called 'El Comal', that is nestled inside this charming hotel, the 'Maria Bonita'. And, although I ate extremely healthy, and chose my foods carefully to avoid too much sugar, fat, etc., I did not give a passing thought to the ice that floated in my glass of water. I left feeling very chummy with myself and my food choices. Friday passed relatively uneventful, as far as the state of my health went. I have been in the middle of a flare-up with my CIBD, but seemed to feel OK that day. Then, on Saturday, my stomach was upset. So not unusual for me. Fatigue set in. Again, nothing out of the ordinary. That night, we stopped to eat at Subway, before taking our kids to the "feria" (in English, that is a fair, or carnival), and I ordered a Chicken Bacon Ranch sub with a ton of veggies, and a fountain drink to boot. With ice. From the fountain machine. Which probably came from an ice maker in the back. Which probably makes ice from the tap water. The unfiltered, non-purified tap water. That is where I attempted aquatic suicide. Not by trying to drown myself, but by merely drinking the (most likely tainted) ice cubes.

     I have drank things in Juarez with ice cubes in it through the years, and have been alright. That is where I was fooled. I was fooled into thinking that all the hoopla about "don't drink the water" was somewhat mythical, or at least urban legend. I thought wrong. You see, if you have a chronic intestinal disease, and your immune system is already compromised by that, drinking the water in Mexico is like gambling. You might win 5 out of 6 times, but eventually you will lose. And, I, my friends am a loser. I know I can't PROVE it was the water, but I can't prove it wasn't either. Two doctors visits, one week, and five hundred pesos later, I am starting to feel human again. Not completely human, but a little. I praise Jesus for that, because there were a few times that I thought I would surely die. I cried, I prayed, I pooped. Not necessarily in that order, but you get the idea.

    So, after hours upon countless hours of important "meetings" in my "office" (that's what I refer to my bathroom as, in case you weren't paying attention), I decided to spruce it up a little. I bought a couple new pictures from Family Dollar to hang up and a new coordinating bath rug. I'm on a budget, and have no shame in admitting I shop at FD...I love FD! I would shop there even if I wasn't on a budget. I feel I have earned those bathroom improvements. I just hate that it took a near death experience to convince me that I am worth it. OK, so maybe that last statement seems a little dramatic, but I don't think so.

    

You don't know me. Yet.

      Helloooo!!! Anyone out there? This is my first ever attempt at blogging. I feel slightly lost. Only because I am technologically ignorant at times, and secretly wonder if when I am done blogging (as the kids call it these days. I just call it typing.) if I will click on all the correct things to actually publish it in the right place. Well, I guess we will just see about that, now won't we?

       Now, about me. Here is what one needs to know about me. I am 34,white, married to a Mexican (gasp), have 2 beautiful, articulate, intelligent, kind-hearted children with that Mexican (double gasp), and we live HAPPILY, yes, HAPPILY, in Cuidad Juarez, Mexico (triple gasp). We have lived here in Juarez for over 5 years now. My husband was deported in May of 2005; permanently deported. At first, it was traumatic, dramatic, problematic, and every other -matic you can think of. Now, it is automatic. We don't even give it a second thought most days. It is what it is. That, as you will soon learn about me, is my life's motto. It is what it is. It deserved repeating.

        I have a million things I could blog about. Deportation, immigration, bi-racial relationships, living in Mexico, raising children with morals, raising bi-racial children, Christianity, or some of my illnesses may be blog-worthy. Psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, chronic inflammatory bowel disease (that one is a killer), migraines, allergies, blah, blah, blah. Oh! Or I could blog about my weight loss journey (aka: I am fat). The truth is, I will be blogging about any and all of these things, at any given time, depending on my day or current state of mind. I will mention Jesus repeatedly in my blogs sometimes, because, that is Who I live my life for. Or, at least, Who I desire to live for. These days, it seems I am living for my husband and my children. Anyhoo, if Jesus offends you, then you don't have to read my blog. It is, after all, my blog. You can write about what you want, and I can write about what I want. That is the beauty of blogging (typing). Freedom of expression. Praise Jesus! Just thought I would throw one praise in there to get you used to it!

        I am excited to learn more about some of you out there. I look forward to reading your blogs, and sharing mine with you! Happy Blogging! (typing)